Sophie's Birth
I haven't posted much because I came to Hypnobabies rather late in
the game. But, here's my story. I hope it will help some of you who
are in the midst of self-doubt.
When I got pregnant, I didn't really think about how I was going to
birth my baby. I went with the OB/Gyn I had seen a few times who I
liked enough, and her affiliated hospital. I was terribly nervous
about the p*** of childbirth, but sort of put it out of my head until
I was much further along. I decided after talking with my therapist,
that I would get an epidural and not worry about it so much. The
hospital I was birthing at has a 95% epidural rate. Well at about 31
weeks along (on New Year's Eve, of course), I experienced some
unexpected bleeding, and they had me admitted for a few days. It
turned out to be nothing and my baby and I were both fine. As a
precaution, though, they gave me a few steroid shots to help mature
the baby's lungs in case she arrived before 34 weeks. While at the
hospital, they hooked me up to an IV and all the monitors and I felt
rather trapped and like I was "sick". I didn't like the feeling.
After I passed 34 weeks and felt perfectly fine, I remembered that
one of the nurses in one of my prenatal classes (from the same
hospital, mind you) had mentioned Hypnobabies. I did a little
research and after much hemming and hawing decided at least to try
the home study course, since there were no classes in my area. So,
at 35 weeks, I started the accelerated home study classes. I was not
working, so I was lucky to be able to do two scripts a day and all
the practice and affirmations. Sheridan sent me an email about an
even more accelerated schedule and I was happy when I reached class
#4. I was having a bit of trouble with the center switch, but I
figured with practice, it would be fine.
On Monday, a day before 37 weeks, I had an OB appointment, where I
presented my birth preferences. My doctor didn't seem all that
supportive, not UNsupportive, but her main concern was that I was
open to having pitocen, an epidural, and any other of those things
that might be suggested if trouble were to happen. Since I was
untested and not finished with my Hypnobabies classes, I decided not
to decide anything for sure, so I actually WAS open to the these
things, but not without some serious thought. But I didn't get the
sense that I would be truly supported in my decision to go med-free
and I decided to try and find a doula for additional support. My
husband had gotten the flu and didn't have time to do more than read
some of the class materials and listen to one script, which he
admitted put him right to sleep. So a doula with hypno experience
seemed like a good idea.
So, by Thursday, we finally set up some meetings with a few doulas
who were experienced in hypnobirthing in our area since there is no
one close by that does Hypnobabies, one for Friday and one for
Saturday. That night, we edited and shortened our birth preferences
and finished packing the hospital bag. I was walking to the printer
to make copies of the birthing logs from the classroom materials when
I felt a small gush of liquid. It was a similar feeling as when I
had my bleeding, but not quite as much liquid, so I went to the
bathroom to check it out. Well it wasn't blood and, after having
read some other posts from the group, it didn't smell like urine. I
hadn't really been having pressure waves regularly that day. I might
have had a few a couple of hours earlier, but they were very mild.
After a bit, more liquid appeared and a little spotting as well. I
didn't want to call my doctor because I was sure they would make me
come in and that everything I didn't want to happen would happen. We
decided to call the doula we were to meet the next day. She said it
sounded like my water had broken! It was 8:30pm.
All I could think about was, I wasn't ready! I wasn't finished with
the classes! I wasn't ready! I didn't have a doula and my husband
didn't know how to help! It felt like learning to fly a plane
without finding out how to land and finding yourself the only pilot.
The funny thing was that I had just decided that day how my ideal
birthing would go. My guess date was March 5. I would have the baby
around March 4th, starting about 8am, with the birthing about 6-8
hours later. It was February 14th.
After my water broke, I started having pressure waves. I had bought
a birthing ball on Wednesday, but hadn't even taken it out of the
box. I didn't know what to do with it! I didn't even know what
scripts to listen to, so I just tried the finger drop technique every
time a pressure wave hit. My husband also tried to talk me through
things, repeating the few phrases he had read about, but sometimes
getting them wrong. It was amusing when he kept telling me my
lightswitch was off, when it was really in the center position
because that was the one with the anesthesia! It didn't seem to
matter though because everything seemed ok. I think we were both
terrified because neither of us knew what to expect, what were doing
and what we SHOULD do. By about 10:30, the pressure waves were about
2-3 minutes apart. It seemed like things were progressing way too
fast and the one thing I didn't want to do was to go to the hospital
too early and have all sorts of interventions. So we called the
lovely doula again and she said if she were there, she would say to
go to the hospital. I still didn't want to go yet, so I took my
time, while my husband rushed around packing last minute things. We
got to the car and started driving, when I remembered that we had a
small cake in the fridge that we never ate (for valentine's day) and
we could give it to the nurses instead of brownies or cookies. I
made my husband turn around and go back for the cake. I almost
regretted it when I had another pressure wave while he was gone, but
I was glad it wasn't going to go to waste.
We got to the hospital just after midnight. They were surprised
that we hadn't called the doctor and they didn't know we were
coming. I had finished my preregistration that morning, so of
course, they asked us all the same insurance questions again that I
had answered already. Oh well.
The nurse in triage checked me and I was disappointed to learn that
I was only 3cm, but 90% effaced. Some good news, some ok. They
moved me up to L&D. We gave the nurses the birth preferences and
settled into the room.
I had been doing fine with my husband's help. At one point, I tried
to listen to a script, but I didn't know which one to pick. I think
I picked Deepening, but all the set up information at the beginning
was too frustrating and I wasn't able to concentrate enough to fast
forward. So my husband continued to talk me through each pressure
wave. It was working most of the time. Every once in a while,
someone would come in and break my concentration and that was when I
would give in to the urge to moan and the pressure wave would break
out of my control. Otherwise, I was mostly quiet with my husband's
continuous coaching. I even remembered to tell the nurse to take the
cake we had brought because it needed to be refrigerated! At one
point one of the nurses asked what my p*** was on a scale of 1 to 10
and I said 7. The thing that scared me was that I didn't know what
to expect and what would happen if I passed 10! Luckily, I was able
to just put that thought out of my head. I was doing ok, but I
wondered if I would break down and ask for that epidural at some point.
When I was admitted, I agreed that they could give me a heparin
lock, but I didn't want an IV. I also didn't want continuous
monitoring, but they did it anyway and since it didn't bother me too
much I didn't make a fuss. The nice thing was that my husband could
see when a pressure wave was coming and was able to talk me though
them. He continued to say things like, "you are feeling a powerful
anesthetic..." instead of anesthesia, which was only slightly odd,
but I didn't correct him until he started saying "you are feeling no
fear and no pain..." It was working great with our unique
combination of styles and his improvised coaching was what kept me
focused and in a relatively peaceful state. He later told me that he
never knew I was having pressure waves until the nurses showed him on
the monitors.
I progressed though the night and by about 7 am, I was at 9 cm.
However, that's when my progress stalled. Looking back, I didn't know
enough about the different birthing positions, so I actually wound up
doing most of the work on my back. Ironic, since one of the things I
wanted was the freedom to move around and my room was equipped with
telemetry. I think I would have progressed faster if I had asked to
move more, but of course, I had no idea about anything at that point!
I was feeling very dehydrated and gave in and asked for an IV around
9am. It gave me some energy back. At that point the doctor came and
told me they had just gotten my GBS test back that morning (from my
OB appointment on Monday). I was GBS+. The only things I knew about
it was in some of the posts from this group. It was too late to do
anything other than agree to the antibiotics.
The hours ticked by and there was still only minimal progress. My
husband was exhausted from talking through the night. I finally
asked what other positions I could try. I tried a few and then they
brought a birthing ball over and that was wonderful. After the
birthing ball, I was finally fully dilated! Dilated, but I didn't
know what happened next. I think I remember asking the nurse what to
do. This was the landing of the plane!!
I probably would have done this differently had I known how, but I
followed the nurses directions and pushed. I remember reading some
things about "purple pushing" and I know that this is what I was
doing, but since I had no idea how else to do it, I pushed. After
about half an hour, at 12:11 pm, I was rewarded with the sound of my
baby girl's cries and moments later, she was put on my chest. My
husband cut the cord and watched as they cleaned her and I passed my
placenta. I had some minor tearing and I have to say the worst part
was the stitching up afterwards! I used my Peace cues, but my
concentration was shot and I was exhausted and too excited to hold my
baby again, so that's probably why it was so unpleasant.
There were a few things about my birthing that didn't go as I would
have liked, but I am so happy with my baby and the experience
anyway. I am so much wiser, and I think everyone at the hospital who
helped us were totally impressed with us and Hypnobabies too. I
think most of the staff expected that I would break down and get the
epidural and were actually excited to be a part of a different
birthing experience themselves. In the end, everyone was very
supportive of my birth preferences and quite impressed with the
mostly calm and supportive atmosphere in our room. I wouldn't say I
had a p***free experience, but I am happy and proud that I was able
to do it on my own terms. I can only imagine how much easier and
more comfortable it would have been if I had finished the course and
had more time to practice!
Ready or not, here is Sophie born on February 15th
at 12:11pm, weighing in at 6 pounds, 1 ounce, 19 inches long! Thanks
to Hypnobabies and everyone's posts for helping to change my
hospital's statistics just a tiny bit in another direction!
Susan