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Selena's Birth

I do think the fact that she came early threw me off.  I was
totally focused on being patient and assuming she would be late so it
was a shock for her to come so early.  There was so much stuff I still
planned on doing and wanted to practice my hypnobabies more
diligently.  But it was really overall a great experience, not too
p**nful, mostly just exhausting.  I'll definitely use hypnobabies
again.

I am 25 years old and have been married to my husband Floyd for a
little over 5 years.  Selena is our first child.  My pregnancy went
fairly well.  I am a small person 5'1" and 102 lbs pre-pregnancy so
was constantly hearing comments about how it might be hard for me to
give birth.  I gained 30lbs during my pregnancy.  I ran about 15-20
miles a week until I was 6 months pregnant.  After 6 months running
became very tiring and it seemed to make the baby sink really low
which was highly uncomfortable.

I started the pregnancy visiting a family practice doctor and planned
on delivering at Good Samaritan hospital in Puyallup.  A few months
into my pregnancy I decided that I wanted to do a natural, drug-free
delivery and thought that the Birthing Inn in Tacoma looked like a
really neat place to do that, but since I had already had a
relationship with my doctor, I liked her, and she was supportive of
my birth choices I figured I would stick with her.  A couple months
later I learned that my insurance didn't cover 100% of the hospital
visit, and I would save a significant amount of money if I switched
to the Birthing Inn, so I did.  Switching providers when I was 6
months pregnant was a little stressful, but because visits are more
frequent at the end I was able to see all four midwives in the
practice before I delivered.

Instead of taking local childbirth classes I purchased the
Hypnobabies home study course online.  The Hypnobabies course
involves putting yourself in a positive mindset about birth and
labor, and practicing deep relaxation techniques.  The course came
with a set of CD's to listen to every day for a 5 week period.  I
purchased the course when I was 19 weeks pregnant and listened to it
about 2-3 times a week for the rest of my pregnancy.

So on Friday March 9th (3 weeks and 1 day before my due date) I went
to work as normal.  I was having quite a bit of discharge that day
and thought that it could be my mucus plug, but wasn't sure.  I felt
really good that day and had quite a bit of energy.  Which was kind
of odd because usually by the end of the week I was exhausted.  I
attributed it to the fact that I took my dog for a walk the day
before and had jogged a little bit and it felt pretty good.

At 4:30PM I got up to leave work and felt a small gush.  I figured it
was just a large amount of discharge.  Then I took another step and
felt another gush.  So I grabbed my things and went downstairs to the
bathroom.  By the time I got there my jeans were all wet.  I sat on
the toilet and a lot of liquid was pouring out of me and I was pretty
sure it wasn't urine.  So I figured it probably was my water.  So I
caught a little in some toilet paper and smelled it to make sure it
wasn't urine, and if it was my water, that it was clear.  Well it
definitely wasn't urine and it was clear.  I wasn't sure if I should
call Floyd to come pick me up or if I should just drive home.  I
hadn't had any contractions so I figured I would drive myself home
real quick, and if I did have contractions I could just pull over and
call Floyd.

I drove home and had a two Braxton Hicks contractions but they
weren't any different than the contractions I had been having for
previous two months, and I frequently got them at the end of the day
when I was tired.

I got home and went straight to the bathroom and yelled for Floyd,
telling him that I needed him.  He was taking a nap so he was a
little bit annoyed at being woken up.  He asked me what I wanted and
I told him just to come.  He comes into the bathroom and I tell him
that I think my water is leaking.  He asks me what that means.  I
said that it means I will probably be going into labor soon.  We kind
of sit there for a second and wonder what to do.  I ask him to bring
me the piece of paper the midwife gave me at my appointment on
Wednesday about when to call.  The piece of paper said to call if
your water breaks, immediately if you are Group B Strep positive.
Well I had just taken the strep test on Wednesday and hadn't got back
the results.  So I figured I should call and ask what the results
were.  The clinic was closed at this time, so I left a message and
waited for the midwife to call me back.

Meanwhile Floyd is on the Internet trying to figure out exactly what
is going on, while I'm still on the toilet.   I'm still in a little
bit of denial and figure it will be a while before contractions to
start.  I know that typically they start soon, but can take up to 24
hours and I figure I'll be in the latter category.   Floyd comes in
and is in the same frame of mind as me and tells me it will probably
be a while.

The midwife calls back and I tell her about my water breaking, she
asks me to describe it, so I do.  She figures that my water probably
did break.  She says that the results of my test aren't back yet so
they have to treat me like I'm positive and because I'm 6 ½ hours
from being 37 weeks pregnant, I'm not considered full term, and that
means I have to go to Saint Joseph's hospital (not the Birthing Inn)
to get antibiotics.  I ask her if there is any way we can do the test
again and get an immediate result so we know, or if there is any way
we can hold off till midnight since I'm not having any contractions
yet.  The really ironic thing is that my due date could easily have
been March 24th instead of March 31st but I had made a point at the
beginning of my pregnancy to have my due date pushed back because my
cycle is 5 weeks, not the 4 weeks they usually use to calculate the
due date.  I had really wanted the later date because I didn't want
to go past my due date and be pressured to get induced.  So I asked
if we could go back to the original due date.  She said no, but that
she would try to see if the hospital could do the test or if she
could figure something out.

She called me back, by this time it was around 6.  I had sent Floyd
out to get pads so I could get off the toilet without fear of making
a mess.  She said that I could come to the Birthing Inn and she could
give me some antibiotics to tide me over and then we could leave and
come back after midnight when we were ready.  We decided to meet her
there at 7:30.

So I hung up the phone and told Floyd when he got back.  Then I
called my mother and told her what was going on.  She didn't quite
believe me that my water broke.  She said that she had thought her
water broke with my sister, but it didn't really.  Everyone was kind
of in denial, especially because I had been practicing being very
patient and assuming that I was going to go past my due date, so the
fact that this was happening 3 weeks early was very disconcerting.

So because it was 3 weeks early I hadn't packed my bags yet.  That
was what I was going to do that weekend.  So I tell Floyd that we
need to pack up our stuff just in case we don't make it back home.
So while I'm telling him this I realize that I'm not feeling so great
and I'm on my knees leaning over the couch.  I try to get up and do
some stuff, but it really isn't that comfortable.  So we head up
stairs to pack our bags and I'm still feeling uncomfortable.  I try
to do some stuff but it really isn't working.  So once again I'm on
my knees leaning against the bed.  I tell Floyd that I think I'm
having contractions and he'll need to get the bags ready.  So I tell
him what to put in the bags and he goes and gets everything.  Then he
pulls out a pair of racing flats out of the closet and tells me how
cool they are and how light they are and how I should feel how light
they are.  And I'm just thinking, "What does this have to do with
anything?"  But I feel his shoes and agree yes they are cool, and yes
they are light.  I guess he was a little overwhelmed by the whole
situation and was trying to act like everything was normal.

We get the bags packed and head down stairs.  Floyd has to take
something outside and the door to the garage gets jammed so he has to
spend 5 minutes trying to close it, while I'm inside trying to slow
down the contractions.  We finally get the dog in the house and the
door closed and get in the car and head off.  So now I have a
dilemma.  I have been practicing for months to get myself in the
frame of mind to have a fast, easy, comfortable birthing, but right
now I don't want it to go fast because I need to wait till
midnight.   So I'm wondering if I should put in my "birthing day"
CD's or not.  I decide to listen to pregnancy affirmations to get
relaxed, but not the birthing day ones so I don't go too fast.   I
had taken a couple "splits" on my contractions when we were packing,
and now that I'm in the car I continue to take them.  I'm having
contractions about every 2-3 minutes 30-45 seconds long.  This is
kind of concerning.  There wasn't any period of time where they were
far apart.  I am not really using my off switch (the cue that relaxes
you the most, where your muscles become immobile) because I'm timing
my contractions.  Instead I'm in "center" (the cue where you are
relaxed but can move and talk) and keep repeating "peace" (the cue
that allows you to relax no matter what state you are in) throughout
the pressure waves.

We get to the Birthing Inn and I tell the midwife that I'm not sure
if I'll make it to midnight.  She is surprised that the contractions
are so close together but she says they aren't that long and I'm
walking around and coherent so she doesn't seem too concerned.  We go
upstairs to get me checked out.  This was the first and pretty much
the only time I was checked for dilation.  I was 2cm and 90% effaced
which was a relief.  She says its usually takes an hour per
centimeter of dilation so I will most likely deliver after midnight
and everything will be fine.  She feels my belly and guesses that
Selena will be about 6.5lbs.  She then hooks me up to monitor my
contractions for about 15 minutes.  My contractions are right on top
of each other.  She says they won't get any closer together, just
stronger.  Floyd does a great job, because any time she asks me a
question during a contraction I totally ignore her and do my
Hypnobabies thing.  Floyd explains to her what I'm doing so that she
understands what is going on.

She then asks me if we want to go home and come back, or what we want
to do.  She has had a long day and really doesn't want to stay.  But
we live about 30-40 minutes away and since my contractions are
already on top of each other I wasn't sure how I would know when to
come back, so I ask her if we can stay.  She says yes, but that
she'll just pretend I'm not there, since I'm technically not supposed
to be there.  We go downstairs.  She hooks up an IV and gives me the
antibiotics.  The pressure waves are still coming, but are definitely
manageable with my center switch and peace cues.  She takes my blood
pressure and its pretty high 140 over something, but she says that's
normal for the first blood pressure, she figures it will be down
again next time she checks it.

So we are in the really lovely birthing suite.  Floyd puts the
birthing day CD in the CD player and we listen to it out loud.  After
awhile I ask Floyd to prepare the bathtub and I get in and it feels
great.  He opens up the lavender scents but it is way too strong so I
tell him to close it.  Soon my parents arrive and my mom comes in and
tries to talk to me while Floyd is out talking to my dad, and I
pretty much ignore her.  She asks me if she wants me to leave her
alone and I say yes, so she leaves the room, but I didn't mean that I
wanted her to leave, just not talk to me.  I get a little stressed
out, but I call Floyd's name and he comes back in and fixes the tub's
temperature for me and stays with me.

The midwife periodically comes in and checks the baby's heartbeat.
Selena's heartbeat stayed between 140-150 throughout the entire
thing.  She is such a tough baby.  It is really cool because the
monitor she has can go under water. She takes my blood pressure and
it is way down around 110 over something.   Around 10:30 the pressure
waves are getting stronger.  I really have problems being in "off"
because when a wave comes I don't like my butt on the bottom of the
tub, so I kind of arch my back, but that makes me a little tense.  At
this point I'm kind of whimpering during each one.  I found it easier
to visualize myself relaxing from an external point of view than an
internal one, where the internal viewpoint is the way I practiced.
Floyd was really good and used the "relax" cues and that helped
tremendously. Around 11:30 I tell Floyd to get the midwife.

She comes in and asks me if I've been in the tub the whole time and
suggests that I get out and go to the bathroom.  So I get out and get
on the toilet.  I don't have to go, but I start feeling pushy and I
start groaning.  I get off the toilet and get on my hands and knees.
Everyone suggests I move to the bed, but I'm not sure I can.
Meanwhile, Floyd decided to call his dad back and is talking on the
phone.  I tell him to get off and help me.  I'm in transition and am
getting kind of snappy.  I move to the bed and she checks me and says
I think she says that I'm not quite all the way dilated but the baby
is ready to come.

Meanwhile I'm having really overwhelming pushing urges, but don't
quite know what to do.  I ask if it is supposed to feel like I need
to poop and she says yes.  So I start pushing, but I'm not very
effective at it.  Sometime during this time, the birth assistant
arrives and my mother-in-law.  Floyd starts asking his mom questions
about her drive up, but I yell at them to be quiet.  After a while
the midwife and birth assistant start giving me some more direction,
reminding me to put my chin down, and to make low sounds instead of
just yelling.  What finally works is to hold my breath while I push
and then breathe really hard while I catch my breath enough to do it
again.  I usually would get about 3 good pushes in for each
contraction.   The Hypnobabies birthing CD is in the background and
she is telling me to "breathe the baby down ", "just let the baby
slide right out" and I think that it suggests doing this between
contractions.  What she is saying is totally not what I'm going
through.  The pushing urges are so overwhelming and tiring that I
need the breaks to rest.  I do think her voice is soothing though,
and helps me rest and relax during the breaks, but I'm not about to
push during these breaks.  I think the CD annoyed everyone else in
the room because it was so opposite of what was happening, but I
think it helped me a little.   If I had listened to the CD before I
went into labor it might have helped more, but I was going to wait
till I was 38 weeks before listening to it and since she came early I
never go the chance.

The midwife asks me if I want to try pushing in the tub, but this was
something we were going to ask about when we made our birth plan at
my next appointment in a week, so I hadn't really thought about it
yet, and didn't know how it would work and where I would get any
leverage so I said no.  So then she suggests I try lying on my side
with my leg in the air.  I don't really like this position and
apparently I wasn't bringing my knee to my chest in the right angle
and she keeps telling me to move my leg one way, but I keep doing it
wrong.  Eventually I start to do it right, and start to get the hang
of it.   At one point the midwife stretches my perineum and that
really didn't feel good.  During this whole time I was really hot and
gulping water down.  Floyd was fanning me and at one point said his
arm was getting tired.  The midwife teases him and says that compared
to what I was doing he had no right to say he was tired.

After trying this for a while they give me a rope to pull on while I
push.  This really seems to help and gives me leverage.  I keep
asking if I'm even doing anything.  Everyone keeps encouraging me and
telling me I am.  They say that they can see her hair.  I am still
doubting that all this work I am doing is actually accomplishing
anything.  Most of the birth stories I read, said that pushing was a
relief from the dilation stage, and only lasts around 30 min and I'm
pretty sure I've been pushing longer than that.  This is way more
intense than anything I went through before transition.

After pulling on the rope they move me to a birth stool, and I try
that.  The stool really helps.  Floyd sits behind me while I'm
pushing.  Finally her head starts to come out.  I keep asking if I'm
even doing anything, they put my hand down there so I can feel her
head, and I realize that yes, she is coming.  I remember thinking
that this is the last mile, and then I get kind of depressed because
I tend to slow down the last mile. (Yes, I am weird)  My mom switches
with Floyd so that he can watch her come out.  Her head moves down
and I feel the ring of fire, I think I even comment on it.  Her head
is halfway out for about 3 or 4 contractions and all that time I
experience the ring of fire.  Then her head comes out, and my mom
said that the midwife had to move the umbilical cord to the correct
side.  The next contraction comes and I push really hard, say "ouch"
really loud, and she slides right out and is born at 1:02AM.  It was
such a relief and felt so good for her to be out.  I look down but I
don't have my glasses on so I can't really see anything.  Someone
gets my glasses and Selena is down on the ground amidst a pool of
blood, but she is relatively clean.  Her head is very cone shaped and
she is very alert and looking around wondering what the heck is going
on.  After a few seconds she lets out a little wail.  I think the
midwife brings something over to help her breathe, then they place
her in my arms and I hold her.  I am so exhausted.  After a few
minutes Floyd cuts the cord and they take her from me and give her to
Floyd.  I get off the birth stool and lay on the bed to deal with the
after birth stuff.

It was a little while before the placenta came out.  I really didn't
want to have to do anything because I was so tired, but I did have to
give a couple pushes.  Apparently I tore badly, almost all the way to
the rectum but fortunately it went off to the side.  I didn't know I
tore until the midwife told me.  I don't think I tore, or at least
not that bad, until her shoulders came out because her shoulders were
bigger than her head, and her head came out pretty slowly.  The
midwife said she could sew it up, but she didn't have a lot of drugs,
and she would rather me transfer to the hospital to get it done.  She
said she sewed someone up a few weeks before and felt really bad
because it was so awful and uncomfortable for the woman.
Unfortunately going to the hospital involved taking an ambulance
ride.  I was so tired, and was done, so I said going to the hospital
was fine.  I did make a comment about how expensive the ambulance
would be though.  Typical me.

I think she needed to get me patched up enough to transfer, so she
started doing stuff.  She gave me some drugs through my IV, but my
mom said it didn't work and the bag never emptied.  She also gave me
some local anesthetic.  I think I used my hypnosis, but I'm not sure,
it might have just been that I was really tired and relaxed anyways,
but whatever she was doing didn't bother me at all, so she ended up
sewing me up there, and I didn't have to go to the hospital.   My mom
got to play nurse and hand her the tools and hold the light for her.
I think she thought that was kind of fun.

After about an hour, hour and a half, I was finally all stitched up
and given ice and ready to take care of Selena again.  It was kind of
a bummer because I missed out on what was going on because of the
post birth stuff, and the fact that I was so tired.  The birth
assistant came and gave me a nipple shield and told me that because
Selena came early she might have a weak suck, and because I have
inverted nipples it will be hard for her to latch on and I should use
the shield.  From what I read the experts really hate the nipple
shields and said avoid them at all costs, but other people really
love them.  But I just did what I was told and Selena latched on and
sucked.  I am still using the nipple shield to nurse and am torn
between trying to wean her from it or just keep using it forever.

When they went to weigh Selena, Floyd, of course, starts taking bets
on what her weight is.  I guessed 6lbs 6oz.  Floyd was the closest at
7lbs.  She was 7lbs 6oz and 18 ½ inches long.  I couldn't believe
it.  How could a baby that big fit inside me?  The midwife and birth
assistant were really confused because she really didn't show any
signs of being pre-term.  They ask me if I was sure about my due
date, and I assured them I was.  We used an ovulation test so I'm 99%
sure the due date was correct.

Eventually all of our family left.  The midwife and birth assistant
came to check on us a few times, they left at 6am and said we were
free to stay as long as we wanted, but to know that a pregnancy class
would be out in the seating area at 9am.  I slept some, but mostly I
just stared at my beautiful daughter.  My throat was sore from all
the yelling I did and I was so exhausted that it was really hard to
get out of bed and go to the bathroom, which I had to do frequently.
But by the morning I felt okay and we left the birth center at around
9 o'clock.  Because she was born at the birth center we had to get
her to see a doctor within 48 hours, and because she was born on
Saturday at 1am that was kind of a pain because the doctor's office
wasn't open.  We took her to the same-day clinic on Saturday
afternoon and it was funny because all the receptionists were asking
me, "What are you doing here?" And, "she wasn't really born today was
she?"  Unfortunately the doctor who was qualified to see her, got
called out to deliver a baby so we had to come back on Sunday.  After
she saw her, she too said Selena looked great, and asked if my due
date was correct.

Overall the experience was really great.  The Hypnobabies slogan is
an easy, fast, comfortable birthing and mine wasn't easy or
comfortable, but it wasn't really until the pushing stage where it
became really hard.  I think the hardest part was not knowing how
long it was going to last.  I remember after the pressure waves got
really strong, thinking that I can do this for another hour or so,
but what if it is another 6 hours.  But the entire thing was only 8.5
hours from when my water broke till she was born, and the first hour
and a half I didn't have any contractions.  The last hour and a half
of pushing was definitely the hardest.

I think the fact that I had the midnight "deadline" somewhat hindered
the process and made it a little harder to relax.  I think it might
have gone even faster had I not had it hanging over my head.  I don't
really understand how hypnosis is supposed to work during the pushing
stage.  It is such an intense, overwhelming urge that takes so much
energy I'm not sure how, especially as a first time mom, not knowing
what to expect, you could be able to mentally anesthetize your
midsection, but it did help me relax between contractions.

I really am glad I did transfer to the birth center.  I couldn't
handle any conversations going on around me and I'm sure at a
hospital I wouldn't have had any control over that.  In my case I
think an episiotomy would have been better, but there isn't any way
to know that until after the fact.  Overall I was very satisfied with
Hypnobabies, the Birthing Inn, and Floyd was awesome as my birth
partner.  It's funny because I do think the whole ordeal becomes sort
of diminished from your memory, because I remember thinking
immediately after that I'm never going to do that again, but two
weeks later I know I will.